I want to talk about the expression “you’ve outgrown them” or “I’ve outgrown you”.
Typically it is used in a manner to help someone cope with some sort of loss. This loss usually relates to the end of a relationship such as a breakup or friends that are longer as sociable or connected as they once were.
I want to take another approach to this though as the perspective is taken commonly one-sided with little regard to the simpler meaning.
We all have the ability to grow and change in as little as a year, a month and for some with a dramatic experience even overnight.
But why is it so hard for others to accept your growth? Are they envious or bitter or perhaps they just don’t have confidence in you? There are several reasons but I want to talk about one specific reason most coaches don’t talk about.
We tend to retain a specific perspective and idea about a person we “know” by the last conversation or experience we had with that person. I rarely give weight to many conversations as most conversations have become just a series of formalities and autonomous rhetoric.
How well does someone really know you? Shit, how well do you know yourself? When we find out more about ourselves and remove the limiting personal beliefs we begin to see our true selves. If we rarely act as our true selves, how can other people we “know” have a realistic idea of who we are?
Our interactions in life with people tend to be one of distrust because we don’t want to feel judged. We live in fear until we find the courage to grow.
This growth is where we find ourselves in a situation of “you changed…” with people we used to know. But how much time has to pass? It really doesn’t matter how much time has passed as it could be very little time to many years.
The people that knew you 20 years ago know the version of you from 20 years ago. Have you had a sour experience with an old friend that changed your entire relationship with them? I remember one of my clients came to me asking for advice. They had done something that emotionally triggered this other person. This friend couldn’t get over the situation because they were emotionally wrapped up in the “offensive” experience. Their relationship hadn’t recovered to this day.
This friend of theirs was stuck in a personal emotional trap while my client was ready to move forward. They wanted to continue to grow. Their friend was stuck on this past experience, emotional reaction and made a snap judgment about my client and the type of person they now perceived them to be.
When you focus on your growth, you will change. Not everyone will embrace this change, this growth, and this new person you’ve uncovered because they are used to the old person they know. Sometimes these experiences are hard for others to accept because if they can’t change, how is it possible you are able to?
Your life is weighed down and stuck in a cycle when you refuse to accept the possibility for growth in other people and when you expect others to grow with you. Not everyone will grow with you as this is your journey, not theirs.
This is your life, not theirs. Make the most of it and be unapologetically yourself no matter who doesn’t like the true you.
By JusOne | Justin Bordeaux – President Cypher Fitness